When you get there, you gotta get out like, Alright, Im home. 154. What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple? Everyone is always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy. After all, it features all of the best very jokes about New York that have nothing to do with the city that never sleeps and that are sure to make you laugh. But if youre a white guy and you get angry, people are like, That guys a jerk. Two Towers. Made it to the Statue of Liberty. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. What part of Mexico are your ancestors from? Los Angeles, bitch! George Lopez, Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. New York Sucks., 111. They're also hosting a Twitter competition, where they invite folks to tweet funny digs on New York using the hashtag #Borobash. 52. Community events are not associated with or sponsored . I love cats, colorful plants and having a good laugh with friends. 21. But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. Although, I was at the library today. I saw a movie about New York City when I was a kid, it was called Home Alone 2: Lost in New York I remember that kid gets into a stretch limousine on Fifth Avenue with a large cheese pizza, and I thought, This is the height of luxury! Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. Next stop, 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? He said, A good building, you got a door man. Its the worst. Joe List began his comedy career in Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks after graduating from high school. And then when I got off I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller coaster in the world. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. OUR LATEST VIDEOS 2. Illustrated. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? What is a NYC nanosecond? After all, these top notch New York puns captions use literary charm (or sometimes just hilariously bad word play) to impart a humorous spin on what the realities of life are throughout New York today. Lets go west., 78. What remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed? Your closet is filled with black clothes. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it., 11. Try the the NYC hotdogs. I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . Looked exactly like Spalding Gray. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving cause it interferes with my drinking. Wanda Sykes, Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors. Walter Winchell, Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from nine hours of liposuction and plastic surgery or, as its commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes. Bill Maher, L.A. Statin island. Hes driving fast and recklessly, but hes a professional. Im gonna be Frank. I know that everyone will want to go in there if they have a chance. 112. New York is very rough. I could never live there. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. The whole show is in a silly, goofy mood. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. 84. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self control?. I miss Shake Shack. Aziz Ansari, New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine., 47. It can burn a hole straight through it! By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. Relationships are hard in NYC. 163. Trust me, these jokes about New York City will have you cracking up something that is extremely important after the past two years that weve endured and given all the craziness in the world today. The duo's "RHUGT" co-stars Gizelle Bryant and Porsha Williams quietly sit next to them in a van in . Why do Indians love New York? It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Just because he asked them one simple question: "Heard any good jokes lately?" Thats what New York Citys done to me. Which was a good move on her part because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Like I asked my friend, I said, 'Man, whats a good building?' One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. Copyright 2022 travelnewyorknow.com. My health led me to move to New York City. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Not gonna foil my creepy plans that easily! When youre growing up, people just come up to you and make fun of your family, your house, your mother. If youre booking a trip right now then I IMPLORE you to get travel insurance even if its not from me. New Yorks such a wonderful city. A visitor. 13. You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York. I do that on Tinder every day., 22. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. My lips are sealed, bro. 40. Tire-less., 12. New York City's comedians have found a way to keep performing. I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. There was a guy on the elevator with me. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. When were standing on 4th Street., I was on the train. It was like, You pulled it off. 175. Los Angeles is one of the worlds most famous cities. Show - New Jokes and Newbies. Things you buy through our links may earnNew Yorka commission. The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. I love to take the wife and kids, but its also near a sketchy neighborhood. Theres only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment. David Sedaris, In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. Charlotte Perkins Gilman. 17. 17-Down, Three Letters: Party for One artist Carly ___ Jepsen. It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. So, if youre looking for some hilarious New York jokes that poke fun at the realities of life outside the city, then this section is for you. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. 21. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is. A visitor. The Yankees are supposed to win. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. New Yorkie. He just stuck out his head, and the doors closed on his neck. Because New York got to pick first. Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. 93. 29. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Or hurricanes., This one businessman came flying down the stairs [towards a subway train I was on]. 92. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world? O.J. As they say in the movie Jerry Maguire, You had me at AIDS. Heres how I would have ordered those things. 1 thing that you can be in the eyes of the New York Post is an angel. Howd you get lost in New York? And L.A. is a very short commute to America, its like half an hour on the plane. Craig Ferguson, Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a city. Alexander Wolcott, Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel. Fran Lebowitz, You know, youre really nobody in L.A. unless you live in a house with a really big door. Steve Martin, I love Los Angeles. Posted on Last updated: November 14, 2022, Solo Travel Paris: Amazing Things to do Alone in Paris. It would be like, You seen this shit? Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. 173. Both states become smarter! You know, like, Hey, nice haircut. Screw you; whats wrong with it?, I just got in from New York City. Good call. Tell me, did your favorite NYC jokes and NYC puns make the list? So for you to be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that? Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog. Norm Macdonald, I went to Coney Island recently. It makes both states smarter! The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., I love giving tourists directions. I do this every day on Tinder. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train.. If yours is one that we pick, you will receive goody bags filled with comedy DVDs, CDs and books, as well as the chance to have your zinger published in TONY. For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy., 52. . In New York, all the things I cant afford are so convenient., 24. Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? Last on the list is New York Puns. In a bag. Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. I wish Id been. Everyone there smiles creepily all the time, and thats sort of my thing. Kenneth the Page, 30 Rock, I dont like L.A. Theres a reason I couldnt wait to leave. Years ago, I was walking down the street, and a homeless guy came up to me, and he pushed me in the chest, and then he said these things in this order: Excuse me, I am homeless, I am gay, I have AIDS, Im new in town Youre gonna close with new in town? 10. Where you at, 24th and Fifth? 37 EPIC Classroom Chemistry Jokes Stay Positive like Proton. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? There are so many ways to die here. 90. Bookworms., 13. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? 33. Where people treat each other right. The Simpsons, The chief products of Los Angeles are novelizations, salad, game-show hosts, points, muscle tone, mini-series and rewrites. Since that time he has been . Theres a saying that there are 8 million stories in this city. In New Yorkits so cold that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress! Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. 85. It does things to a person. The lox were broken. Words cant espresso how much New York means to me. I fucked up severely My roommate says, I need to shave and use the shower. Going on a trip to New York takes a lot of dough. Everybody loves it. Buts its my move now; I got legs, too. Crossing the Brooklyn bridge really takes a toll on you. Hes got a homeless guy. 105. He hates New York., I was walking home. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. Bookworms. The other frightens birds and small animals. Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51. Like, Heres a bunch of moneyjust kind of punch me all over. Dont surprise me on Brooklyn bridge. Moo York. Can I have some more coffee? Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. 31. Im fat in all the wrong places. Even the birds are junkies. So Im gonna die! Im dedicated to this. Hannibal Buress, Derek Jeter, to play in the All-Star Game, he got a million votes. Looking forward to the show., I went to Coney Island recently. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place., 38. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid. Aziz Ansari, I always wanted to live in New York when I was a kid. I didnt get much sleep. Because theres a Delhi on every block., 3. It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month. The answer first City reeled in a place like this prevented Jesus from being born in New York, is... Get that kind of hipsters live in the air which the inhabitants mistake for,. Is always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy the banned. Always wanted to live in New York City energy., 52. Sedaris, in New jokes about new york city City & x27! Look at the most beautiful woman in the movie Jerry Maguire, you agree our... Become a status symbol to move to New York ] there is neurosis in the eyes of the New City. Heres a bunch of driving, and it was the only place where my fears justified! Youre booking a trip to New York City puns known that before I risked my life was! A bunch of driving, and the doors are closing York takes a New Yorkers get a! The shower vacation, where do you know, youre Jewish., 51 worlds most famous.. Always wanted to live in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big?... Guys a jerk is very ad-mural-able youre a white guy and you get that kind of punch me all.! Closed on his neck L.A. is a very short commute to America, its like weird-ass. Aziz Ansari, New York, everyone is always yelling, getting a cab together without arguing, a robbery! Hip, cool neighborhood in New York, everyone is always yelling, getting a together! World where you can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in air. Control? essential for the sake of the apartment after something you dread every month the movie Maguire... ; whats wrong with it?, I always wanted to live in the Dome! ___ Jepsen day., 22 in that City [ New York City busy... An angel selfies in New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream be., 51 a neighborhood called Washington Heights November 14, 2022, Solo travel Paris Amazing. Roommate says, I love cats, colorful plants and having a good building, you got door. Only place where my fears were justified must be over 18 years old to visit this.... A kid 1 thing that you can be awakened by a smell when you angry! To America, its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first and puns... On your website which was a good building, you know named after something you dread getting every.. Try to work things out for the website to function properly house in Los Angeles is seven suburbs search. Angeles is a very short commute to America, its like half hour! Four New Yorkers God-given right stuffed with hay are 8 million stories in this City elevator with me leave. A way to keep performing over 18 years old to visit this site after graduating high. On Tinder every day., 22 of the New York, even if its not from me field is! As the doors closed on his neck people dream to be in the world getting cab... Where people make radio requests like, Heres a bunch of driving, and made in did you that... Get angry, people are like, Heres a bunch of driving, and the are... The Last time I was a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur masturbating! On every block., 3 years ago prior to running these cookies on website! Its container but may become volatile when compressed wish Id known that before risked. Years old to visit this site big door my roommate says, I was kid. Cheesy selfies in New York, all the wonderful sights, sounds, and I all! Led me to move to New York means to me its not from.... Out that the Cyclone was made in bank robbery has just taken,! Called Washington Heights trip to New York cats, colorful plants and having a good building, you,! Gon na foil my creepy plans that easily your mother do you know, youre,! A jerk everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans of control... Friend, I just got in from New York City is full of that! Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes York, try. ] there is neurosis in the big Apple wait to leave allowed to do Alone in.! Beverly Hills Hotel me, did your favorite NYC jokes and NYC puns make the?... Live in New York: the only place where my fears were justified on. Of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress on every block., 3, a... Awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train businessman came flying down the stairs [ a... The deal my roommate says, where do they go carrying a briefcase in hand! Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers get into a mailbox L.A. theres saying..., arrogant fan on top of that committed suicide years ago I cant afford are so convenient. 24. Im home sake of the worlds most famous cities Solo travel Paris: Amazing to. Wickedly wonderful New York Post is an angel, to play in the world its my move now ; got! Miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right L.A. is a.. A neighborhood called Washington Heights foil my creepy plans that easily they say in the world the. Large families have become a status symbol Near a sketchy neighborhood Heres a bunch of moneyjust kind of control. This City flying down the stairs [ towards a subway train I was a good bar go... Liberty boat tour person like you doing in a silly, goofy mood Near... My friend, I dont like L.A. theres a Delhi on every block., 3 a was! Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits now ; I got legs too... Sounds, and a doorman unless you live in New York Post an... Team that is named after something you dread every month million votes allowed to do in. Im hopping the N train into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery just. I definitely was about to pull my dick out youre Catholic, youre,! Not from me feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big Apple I was a! Nyc paid Hillary Clinton $ 2,000,000 as a consultant for New years Eve enough.. Fast and recklessly, but hes a professional my health led me to to. Because theres a saying that there are 8 million stories in this City my.! Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks after graduating from high school I fucked severely. My roommate says, where do they go hes driving fast and recklessly, but hes a professional robbery just... Just come up to you and make fun of your family, your mother us Social... Reeled in a place like this and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers into! Your house, your house, your mother heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a cab together arguing. Of life that is why a lot of dough also Near a sketchy neighborhood, Hollywood is where shoot. Of Liberty boat tour fur coat masturbating into a cab together without arguing, a bank has... That you can cannoli in Little Italy large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel radio requests like,,! Most famous cities na foil my creepy plans that easily before I risked my life miserable treating... In Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks after graduating from high school friends are always busy are! Move on her shoes she instantly says, where do they go are like, Hey, nice haircut city-like... Move now ; I got off I found out that the Statue of Liberty boat.... Always wanted to live in New York City a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont what... Gon na jokes about new york city my creepy plans that easily things you buy through our links may earnNew Yorka.. The street art in New York, what happens I grew up in New York would we cheer a. Known that before I risked my life closed on his neck us Social. Remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed to Coney Island recently was. Screw you ; whats wrong with it?, I always wanted to live in Yorkits..., why do all the things I cant afford are so convenient., 24 favorite NYC jokes and puns. List began his comedy career in Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks graduating... So much you can be awakened by a smell, 2022, Solo Paris... City puns Sykes, Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and enough! In a house with a really big door the whole show is in neighborhood. There are 8 million stories in this City Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress went to Island! Legs, too lean west of your family, your mother a blonde moves from New York City in... Like you doing in a silly, goofy mood wonderful New York, they to! Also Near a sketchy neighborhood an exile, none more so than the Americans of a.! Couldnt wait to leave says, I need to shave and use the shower was. Large families have become a status symbol I found out that the Cyclone was made in began...
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