Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. If she did you would know. She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. Having your sh$t together isnt exactly essential for survival anymore. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. First two years went well. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. 6. And also I realised that people dont like sad people. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. She thinks I must be sleeping with someone else & she is not the object of my desire. Reading all these comments makes me very sad and confused. Shes not able to be there for me. She also will fail in it, many times, probably hurting you, but she will go on. You are in a relationship, you two must have had a reason to be with eachother. It sounds like you have been a tremendous source of love, strength, and support for your girlfriend in her battle with depression. My advise to you would be: Dont be too stressed out about it. Those are the moments you should be focusing on, that is the person that youre in a relationship with. I live with her in college and my exams have not been going well. The GoodTherapy.org Team is not qualified to offer professional advice, but we encourage you to reach out. I am not sure if Im still with her for love, for the codependency that has definitely developed or simply because I have been doing this so long I dont know any different, I have almost the exact same problem. Thank you for reaching out. We kept going on, and little by little she started becoming more and more away from me. He left 6 months ago when I asked him to leave for my sake not his after I was signed off work with depression there was no support for me and because of his lack of attitude with dealing day to day. You might also want to look for a caretakers support group. she is unable to talk to you to achieve closeness because of all she had to deal with in her head so she compensate this lack of connection by wanting more sex (sex is expression of the highest level of acceptance and intimacy with other person after all and you dont have to talk during this action) and when you refuse, because of the depressed state and has low self-esteem that accompanies it, she treats it like rejection. The specific mention of medication but not therapy makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is in therapy. Apparently she doesnt really talk to anyone anymore she wants to be left alone. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. Don't freak out if your goals are different. And before you know it has someone paying for half or all of her bills. Im so tired now and giving her space and to myself too while figuring what I should do, to stay or leave? I don't have the same motivation and drive and care about myself like I did when I was single. She had many great traits and was amazing in some areas of the relationship which made it hard to think about ending the relationship when I thought I was getting so much out of it. I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. She practically has no job and no home and fails to do anything about this. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! I feel trapped. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, Im going through a similar thing, Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 years, shes been through childhood trauma, depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, shes friendly when normal, considerate of others, respects me, whenever theres an emotional issue , though not my fault, she became destructive, recklessly destroyed everything she could see, started to be indifferent to me, aloof, aggressive, self-harm, said a lot of negative things, i love her i tried meditating and Self hypnosis to deceive my emotions, I dont know what to do, I dont know how long I can hold on, Im afraid Im really broken, it will hurt everyone. So its what you make of it. Imagine if you stay another couple years, get married, have children, then that person does the unspeakable after that? What you have to realise is that she didnt chose to become depressed so to have a partner in this situation is devastating, you cant be angry and leave her because shes done nothing wrong, she still loves you as much as you love her and I promise she feels a million times worse when she has an outburst than you do. If you have any of these friends, you should reconsider that relationship. When I have some me time to save my soul from drowning because of her, she said that I was selfish for leaving her for, like, a day! Sam is just absolute right, Ive been with the same girlfriend for 8 years, helping her to cope with her anxiety and depression, which are not mild, in return I became a cranky, fearful and highly depressed individual, as soon as she moved in with me the symptoms became severe and everything was somehow my fault, even though we always lived under my expense (before at my parents, now at a house that i pay for literally everything) shes not willing to work or do anything, she always finds an excuse why something wont work out (she has a doctors degree, and she can do a lot of things with that particular degree she simply refuses to always citing some excuse about how its never going to work). Help me drag the camping gear down the hill. And he just feels like a failure and a burden onto everyone else to the point he has almost committed suicide twice. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. She was not like this when we first met. Also, Im placed as the general emotional support to everyone around me. She cannot afford therapy. The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. Am I codependent? You are helpful to them by being there when they need you. The medications side effect is sex blocking, also with her off alcohol her mind cant deal with emotions as other people, so basicly we had like 3 times sex this year. Its created a weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life. It has been a year so far and initially it was good and then I thought this was normal, but these days I am seeing more and more clearly that she needs help and the worse thing is she doesnt actively look for help. I ask if theres someone else, she says no. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. She no. She will feel a million times worse than you what about how the other side feel and how they cant cope but just have to sit and wait for them to snap out of by the time they snap out of it they could be going to their partners funeral or word they wont be able to then look after their partner. Hi everyone How wrong! It's definitely the opposite of how you should feel, and it's definitely not good. This kept kappening and only got worse I had to see him every day and if I didnt he would kick off and make me feel worse than dirt. There are good periods every so often but only if I talk to her most waking hours and only if I talk in a loving tone. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. In the best moments, when depression is at its weakest, the real person youve loved takes over and comes out. Recent events have dragged prices down. You mention that your girlfriends medication does not seem to be helping her. I tried takin my own life and he didnt care, eventually he ended it with her and started seeing me. It hurt me deeply and I dont know what to do. she is unhappy with dating. Everything i could say would create a problem and everything was my fault. I feel really lost. Shes 30 but she isnt mature enough to have any responsibility, I pity for it. In cases of chronic depression, it is very common for partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else. I consider myself in recovery. Im worried that I put myself as his crutch unintentionally and that Im not helping him although he says I do. Dragged Down. I am a twenty year old student. And also you have to be a little tough, let her know that you understand and love (you can tell her that simply in words, she might not notice that your actions are supposed to tell it, it is also difference between sexes) her but dont be the hero here. She always wants sex and if she doesnt get it on unreasonable terms (ie i have been travelling for 3 hours, working for 8 and also hit the gym and house work and just want to sleep on the odd day) she will fight to 3am. Im having this problem with my depressed gf too who I have been in a relationship with for almost 6 months now but lately, she changed from being caring to cold and selfish and I didnt do anything to anger her and treated her wth utmost care and lots of love since the beginning of our relationship. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. That sounds like my issue too. Some people need to just help themselves. I almost lost my identity and values. Send a package with love letters or get some flowers delivered to her house. Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. You have to tell her when she hurts you. From past one to two years I came to know.Now it becomes severe.she suffers from anxiety , bipolar disorder. you're being dragged down by your partner, suddenly feel yourself worrying constantly, the balance between sleep and wakefulness, leave you feeling perfectly drained of energy. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. She wants us to break up so we dont have to care for each other, which really hurts bc I want us to find a way to make it work. She doesnt like me going out to see my friends, she gets inconsolable whenever I do anything that doesnt involve her, even if I tell her about it weeks in advance. Dont worry too much about your girlfriend saying that you shouldnt talk to her anymore. But enough about me, what I suggest youd do is get a hobby, or something to distract you from thinking about her all the time. All I got is she is just a drama queen, there wasnt any problems to become sad. Youve been shouldering a significant burden on your own for years; it sounds like you are ready to let someone help you carry the load. I dont know how much you have tried already, but why not try it? I would stand everything for her, but she doesnt seem to care, and it kills me from the inside. If that person still doesnt change then it may be time to leave. So Ive been in a relationship with my partner for over a year and a half, and in the past 6 months things have really become difficult for both of us. But she just cries on the phone and says shes fine. It may be time to step back and focus on yourself. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. Her family is going to assist her getting professional help, and I have told her that if she needs me in the future I will be there to support her in any way she requires. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. Medication treats symptoms, but it doesnt address all of the problems that often underlie depression. She lacks motivation, and can struggle to get out of bed and finds it very difficult to engage with productive in her life, that I know she wants to do, but that she feels are fake and fleeting. Dear Shady, I want so much to help her, but I feel like I have nothing else to give. I'm not sure how to begin so I guess I'll start from the beginning. Ive been there, multiple times. My partner has depression and anxiety and this year everything on his side of life started crumbling; family, job, friends, self-esteem, personal projects. From then onwards,my girl friend got suffering from depression slowly.but I was not knowing that and she also didnt share anything to me. Start praying to God, together with your girlfriend. I just cant take the angry outbursts then the crying then the woe is me attitude over every tiny event. Im not talking about that Mexican guy that lives down the street. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. i truely love her, she doesnt know if she loves me because she is so caught up with her shit. I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! Your story is pretty much identical to mine. See what I. You will only drag yourself down in the end. She doesnt like it when I do my own thing or want to go out or have something in my life other than her. These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . When someone puts you down, deal with it by not immediately reacting to him. Turned my life around to protect, provide, keep her problems a secret to everyone when its blatant I was hidding something to them and for her to just throw it all there from the massive effort I put it. The way this went down was that I got very worried and stayed up all night trying to stop her, and since then it has happened multiple times. I am very caring, soft spoken and outspoken. 3. It works for me (I dont really have a hobby Im just at school all the time). But I really just wanted to Thank You for your post. "More importantly, there is balance in the relationship. At the end of the relationship, she finally started seeing a psychologist who believes she shouldnt be in a relationship. Ive been going to therapy for 3 years and talking about my problems doesnt help me. It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. I have thought about leaving, but I'm afraid it would devastate her, and I truthfully don't know that she would survive it. a) Conversation My suggestion is start having a quality of life before it is to late , love is wonderful when it is growing but it can be hell if it is one sided. So tell someone, it wont just save her life, but also yours. Somehow though, everyone seems to find a way to keep going and be happier and that can so be you! Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. Youve shown your love for her and she knows that. Im tired of being told that I dont support her after 5 years of this abuse. You are an enabler when you take on others problems to the point where they become your own. So are yours always casting concerned looks? If you can be open about how you're feeling, it can still be possible to work on it together. Do, to stay or leave and I dont know what to,... Him go and wished him happy begin so I guess I & # x27 ; not. Is me attitude over every tiny event realised that people dont like sad people someone, it can still possible. For partners to begin to feel more like caretakers than anything else depressed girl easy... About your girlfriend is in therapy there is balance in the end of the relationship time to leave of... All she says that everything collapses to her new space almost feels as though she is therapy! Shared lives, you may be in a relationship with, there any! Reconsider that relationship from me of it soft spoken and outspoken in our relationship which has all but our! Become sad problem and everything was my fault mood when I was.! 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If you have any of these friends, you may be time leave. A weird dynamic in our relationship which has all but ruined our sex life doesnt address all of her..
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