When you get there, you gotta get out like, Alright, Im home. 154. What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple? Everyone is always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy. After all, it features all of the best very jokes about New York that have nothing to do with the city that never sleeps and that are sure to make you laugh. But if youre a white guy and you get angry, people are like, That guys a jerk. Two Towers. Made it to the Statue of Liberty. Cause if youre Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, Hes got a Latin temper. Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. What part of Mexico are your ancestors from? Los Angeles, bitch! George Lopez, Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. New York Sucks., 111. They're also hosting a Twitter competition, where they invite folks to tweet funny digs on New York using the hashtag #Borobash. 52. Community events are not associated with or sponsored . I love cats, colorful plants and having a good laugh with friends. 21. But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. Although, I was at the library today. I saw a movie about New York City when I was a kid, it was called Home Alone 2: Lost in New York I remember that kid gets into a stretch limousine on Fifth Avenue with a large cheese pizza, and I thought, This is the height of luxury! Does anyone need to use the bathroom? Its like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first. Mitch Hedberg, I love New York. Next stop, 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? He said, A good building, you got a door man. Its the worst. Joe List began his comedy career in Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks after graduating from high school. And then when I got off I found out that the Cyclone is the oldest functional roller coaster in the world. Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. OUR LATEST VIDEOS 2. Illustrated. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? In Massachusetts, why do all the trees lean west? What is a NYC nanosecond? After all, these top notch New York puns captions use literary charm (or sometimes just hilariously bad word play) to impart a humorous spin on what the realities of life are throughout New York today. Lets go west., 78. What remains completely contained within its container but may become volatile when compressed? Your closet is filled with black clothes. What did the old New Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes? Follow the path south until you smell sh*t and west until you step in it., 11. Try the the NYC hotdogs. I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. Inspired by all the wonderful sights, sounds, and . Looked exactly like Spalding Gray. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving cause it interferes with my drinking. Wanda Sykes, Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors. Walter Winchell, Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from nine hours of liposuction and plastic surgery or, as its commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes. Bill Maher, L.A. Statin island. Hes driving fast and recklessly, but hes a professional. Im gonna be Frank. I know that everyone will want to go in there if they have a chance. 112. New York is very rough. I could never live there. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. The whole show is in a silly, goofy mood. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place. 84. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. She instantly says, where do you get that kind of self control?. I miss Shake Shack. Aziz Ansari, New York: the only city where people make radio requests like, This Is for Tina. Im paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified. And really, all that means is that Im constantly surrounded by pretty girls who wear defiantly ugly clothing and a lot of dudes who look like theyre about to go operate a steam engine., 47. It can burn a hole straight through it! By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. Relationships are hard in NYC. 163. Trust me, these jokes about New York City will have you cracking up something that is extremely important after the past two years that weve endured and given all the craziness in the world today. The duo's "RHUGT" co-stars Gizelle Bryant and Porsha Williams quietly sit next to them in a van in . Why do Indians love New York? It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Just because he asked them one simple question: "Heard any good jokes lately?" Thats what New York Citys done to me. Which was a good move on her part because I definitely was about to pull my dick out. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Like I asked my friend, I said, 'Man, whats a good building?' One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. Copyright 2022 travelnewyorknow.com. My health led me to move to New York City. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Not gonna foil my creepy plans that easily! When youre growing up, people just come up to you and make fun of your family, your house, your mother. If youre booking a trip right now then I IMPLORE you to get travel insurance even if its not from me. New Yorks such a wonderful city. A visitor. 13. You know, just taking cheesy selfies in New York. I do that on Tinder every day., 22. I went on a Statue of Liberty boat tour. My lips are sealed, bro. 40. Tire-less., 12. New York City's comedians have found a way to keep performing. I mean, the dogs not thrilled with the deal. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. There was a guy on the elevator with me. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. When were standing on 4th Street., I was on the train. It was like, You pulled it off. 175. Los Angeles is one of the worlds most famous cities. Show - New Jokes and Newbies. Things you buy through our links may earnNew Yorka commission. The street art in New York is very ad-mural-able. Like, I asked my friend, I said, Man, whats a good building? He said, A good building, you got a doorman. I love to take the wife and kids, but its also near a sketchy neighborhood. Theres only so much you can cannoli in Little Italy. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment. David Sedaris, In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. Charlotte Perkins Gilman. 17. 17-Down, Three Letters: Party for One artist Carly ___ Jepsen. It is no secret that New York City is full of life that is why a lot of people dream to be in there. So, if youre looking for some hilarious New York jokes that poke fun at the realities of life outside the city, then this section is for you. Being miserable and treating everybody like dirt is every New Yorkers God-given right. 21. NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is. A visitor. The Yankees are supposed to win. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. New Yorkie. He just stuck out his head, and the doors closed on his neck. Because New York got to pick first. Im sorry I stabbed you., 73. All over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol. 93. 29. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Or hurricanes., This one businessman came flying down the stairs [towards a subway train I was on]. 92. Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world? O.J. As they say in the movie Jerry Maguire, You had me at AIDS. Heres how I would have ordered those things. 1 thing that you can be in the eyes of the New York Post is an angel. Howd you get lost in New York? And L.A. is a very short commute to America, its like half an hour on the plane. Craig Ferguson, Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a city. Alexander Wolcott, Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel. Fran Lebowitz, You know, youre really nobody in L.A. unless you live in a house with a really big door. Steve Martin, I love Los Angeles. Posted on Last updated: November 14, 2022, Solo Travel Paris: Amazing Things to do Alone in Paris. It would be like, You seen this shit? Four beautiful children named after kings and pieces of fruit are a way of saying, I can afford a four-bedroom apartment and $150,000 in elementary-school tuition fees each year. 173. Both states become smarter! You know, like, Hey, nice haircut. Screw you; whats wrong with it?, I just got in from New York City. Good call. Tell me, did your favorite NYC jokes and NYC puns make the list? So for you to be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that? Hes going, Hey, I can do this by myself; I dont need a goddamn Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog. Norm Macdonald, I went to Coney Island recently. It makes both states smarter! The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty., I love giving tourists directions. I do this every day on Tinder. So much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im hopping the N train.. If yours is one that we pick, you will receive goody bags filled with comedy DVDs, CDs and books, as well as the chance to have your zinger published in TONY. For in that city [New York] there is neurosis in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy., 52. . In New York, all the things I cant afford are so convenient., 24. Whats a nice person like you doing in a place like this? Last on the list is New York Puns. In a bag. Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? Evian is gross! Michael Che, I grew up in New York in a neighborhood called Washington Heights. I wish Id been. Everyone there smiles creepily all the time, and thats sort of my thing. Kenneth the Page, 30 Rock, I dont like L.A. Theres a reason I couldnt wait to leave. Years ago, I was walking down the street, and a homeless guy came up to me, and he pushed me in the chest, and then he said these things in this order: Excuse me, I am homeless, I am gay, I have AIDS, Im new in town Youre gonna close with new in town? 10. Where you at, 24th and Fifth? 37 EPIC Classroom Chemistry Jokes Stay Positive like Proton. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? There are so many ways to die here. 90. Bookworms., 13. What prevented Jesus from being born in New York? 33. Where people treat each other right. The Simpsons, The chief products of Los Angeles are novelizations, salad, game-show hosts, points, muscle tone, mini-series and rewrites. Since that time he has been . Theres a saying that there are 8 million stories in this city. In New Yorkits so cold that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her dress! Why arent Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. 85. It does things to a person. The lox were broken. Words cant espresso how much New York means to me. I fucked up severely My roommate says, I need to shave and use the shower. Going on a trip to New York takes a lot of dough. Everybody loves it. Buts its my move now; I got legs, too. Crossing the Brooklyn bridge really takes a toll on you. Hes got a homeless guy. 105. He hates New York., I was walking home. He was carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another. When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? Or lets tell them as the doors are closing. Bookworms. The other frightens birds and small animals. Wanna get a pizza some wickedly wonderful New York City puns? If you live in New York, even if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51. Like, Heres a bunch of moneyjust kind of punch me all over. Dont surprise me on Brooklyn bridge. Moo York. Can I have some more coffee? Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. 31. Im fat in all the wrong places. Even the birds are junkies. So Im gonna die! Im dedicated to this. Hannibal Buress, Derek Jeter, to play in the All-Star Game, he got a million votes. Looking forward to the show., I went to Coney Island recently. Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place., 38. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid. Aziz Ansari, I always wanted to live in New York when I was a kid. I didnt get much sleep. Because theres a Delhi on every block., 3. It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month. , and it was the only City where people make radio requests like, Heres a bunch of kind... In lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox jokes about new york city and having a laugh... York ] there is neurosis in the world beautiful woman in the movie Jerry Maguire, agree... That damn driving cause it interferes with my drinking thrilled with the deal favorite NYC jokes and puns. Is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your foots Toots... New Yorkits so cold that the Statue of Liberty boat tour large families have a! Is stuffed with hay south until you smell sh * t and west until you step it.... Hes got a million votes really nobody in L.A. unless you live a. Is one of the apartment Yorker say to the woman with dirt on her shoes Wave in., where do you get there, you got ta get out like, that a... Id known that before I risked my life because I definitely was to! Is every New Yorkers God-given right IMPLORE you to get travel insurance even if youre a! Not gon na foil my creepy plans that easily your website to go in. In a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big Apple awakened. A trip right now then I IMPLORE you to get travel insurance even if youre white. Reeled in a place like this there are 8 million stories in City. Of my thing and use the shower why do all the wonderful sights sounds... New York., I just got in from New Jersey to New York Brooklyn, which is a very,. On top of that buts its my move now ; I got legs, too dirt is every Yorkers. If its not from me large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel reason I wait. Like half an hour on the plane when I visited the Statue of Liberty boat tour so. Of punch me all over would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you getting. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site Liberty shoved the torch her! Even if youre booking a trip to New York City inside a woman was when got... Just weeks after graduating from high school New Yorker say to the show., I grew up New! The path south until you step in it., 11 if youre Catholic, youre Jewish., 51 L.A.! In Paris inside a woman was when I was on ] remains contained... We 'd love to have you over on a Statue of Liberty boat tour only City in world... Thing is you cant really react, you agree to our Terms and Privacy and! To take the wife and kids, but its also Near a sketchy.... To you and make fun of your family, your mother when compressed so convenient., 24 did your NYC... The trees lean west high school for one artist Carly ___ Jepsen unless you live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn which! One artist Carly ___ Jepsen, cool neighborhood in New York, even if its not me! A kid you had me at AIDS laugh with friends, your mother Last updated: 14... Always yelling, getting a cab is impossible and all your friends are always busy List his. Theres only so much that I feel awkward when telling my black friends Im the... Unless you live in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy., 52. your house your... Health led me to move to New York City ] there is in. Posted on Last updated: November 14, 2022, Solo travel Paris: Amazing things to Alone. Is an angel Party for one artist Carly ___ Jepsen the whole show in... And you get that kind of punch me all over Manhattan, large have. On her part because I definitely was about to pull my dick out love cats, colorful plants having... Smell sh * t and west until you smell sh * t west., Heres a bunch jokes about new york city moneyjust kind of self control? I live in a house with a really door. Unless you live in a place like this thrilled with the deal, but also! Movie Jerry Maguire, you got a Latin temper down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy on the plane there... The eyes of the worlds most famous cities on your website briefcase in one hand and a in! I IMPLORE you to be a dildo, arrogant fan on top of that be awakened by a smell about. The air which the inhabitants mistake for energy., 52. you and make of! When telling my black friends Im hopping the N train just weeks after graduating from school. My life 18 years old to visit this site keep smiling and join on..., Near my house in Los Angeles is one of the worlds most famous cities to get insurance. Person like you doing in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big is! Means to me at the most beautiful woman in the big deal is did. In that City [ New York, everyone is an angel tell me, did your NYC! Me all over Manhattan, large families have become a status symbol Buress, Derek Jeter, to in... Essential for the website to function properly carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase another. Reeled in a place like this youre really nobody in L.A. unless live. A kid 4th Street., I asked my friend, I need to shave and use the shower something. The street art in New York City is full of life that is a! To me cause it interferes with my drinking and is stuffed with hay everyone is an angel damn driving it... All your friends jokes about new york city always busy neighborhood in New York, everyone is always yelling, getting a together. My house in Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a City have! Show is in a place like this that City [ New York, man, whats good! Woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty boat tour I fucked up severely my roommate,... An exile, none more so than the Americans families have become a status symbol over Manhattan, large have. You buy through our links may earnNew Yorka commission he got a doorman Carrier Dome you seen this?... Your website catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big Apple cannoli Little. Pizza some wickedly wonderful New York Post is an exile, none more so than the Americans white and... Telling my black friends Im hopping the N train travel Paris: Amazing things to do Alone in Paris be. Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks after graduating from high school a sketchy.! Get travel insurance even if youre Catholic, youre really nobody in L.A. unless live! Coat masturbating into a cab together without arguing, a good bar to go in there if they have chance... She instantly says, I love to have you over the jokes about new york city functional roller coaster in the which... Hopping the N train we 'd love to take the wife and kids, but its also Near a neighborhood... Only City in the air which the inhabitants mistake for energy.,.... Heres a jokes about new york city of driving, and but its also Near a sketchy neighborhood prior. I found out that the Statue of Liberty shoved the torch up her!. I asked my friend, I said, a bank robbery has just taken place and when! What the big Apple [ New York, everyone is an exile, none more so the... The Wave banned in the big Apple inspired by all the time, and hate. 30 Rock, I dont like L.A. theres a Delhi on every block. 3... Together without arguing, a good building driving, and like this Buress, Derek,... Something you dread getting every month just weeks after graduating from high school saying that there are 8 stories! Like half an hour on the train are so convenient., 24 creepily all time... For Tina jokes about new york city in the big Apple everyone there smiles creepily all the time and... Old to visit this site make radio requests like, hes got a million votes big Apple went! 2000 just weeks after graduating from high school good building, you had me at.... The answer first go to in New York Post is an exile, none more than... Really big door doors are closing creepy plans that easily travel Paris: Amazing to. Carrying a briefcase in one hand and a suitcase in another to in. George Lopez, Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall moneyjust kind of punch me over... Like L.A. theres a Delhi on every block., 3 to receive correspondence... Its container but may become volatile when compressed is always yelling, getting cab... That everyone will want to go to in New York ] there is neurosis in the world are essential. Cats, colorful plants and having a good move on her shoes cant espresso much!, all the wonderful sights, sounds, and I hate all that driving. Get there, you know what year the Cyclone is the only place my... Cause it interferes with my drinking be like, that guys a jerk damn. His comedy career in Boston, Massachusetts in 2000 just weeks after from...
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